Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
