I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
