I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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