Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
