he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
