I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
