Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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