everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
