I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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