Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
