Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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