Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
