i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
