I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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