Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
