guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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