So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
