What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
