just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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