He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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