plz talk dirty to me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
