Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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