my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I look better un-naked...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
