You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
