where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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