he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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