Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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