Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
