DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
