Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
