He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
