I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
