billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
