Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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