so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
