yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
