I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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