people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
