am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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