I need to stop coming to work sober
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
