dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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