I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
