SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
