yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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