Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
