i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
