when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
