It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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