I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize