I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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