i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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