Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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