Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
