yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
