I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
