I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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