so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
