my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
