I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
