So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
only you would photoshop your dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
