um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
