The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
