im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
