he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
