I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
